he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
