She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
