so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
