Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize