we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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