doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Sext me about skeletons
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize