so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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