Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i was born a porn star she said
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
