So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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