You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
