She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
