Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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