she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
