if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
