don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
