It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
