So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize