im having a threesome with these popsicles
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
