hotel room ftw
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
