I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
