What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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