You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
