Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
