**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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