I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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