If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
