Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
