Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
