Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize