i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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