my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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