So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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