Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
