respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
