i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
