I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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