i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
