tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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