Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm really busy with my period
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