i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Randomize
