Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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