Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
