wat bout pragnant strippers??
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
