he wants to bone in the snuggie
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
