You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
