How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
