My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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