even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize