I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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