sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
