I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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