Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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