oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
