yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
