Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
