You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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