Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
