so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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