I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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