Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We left the knife in your bed.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
