I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
zippers are such a cool invention
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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