Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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