i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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