I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
