Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
