You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
