you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
