well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
should my penis look like a turkey
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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