The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
