Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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